what losing a parent in my 20’s has taught me

I’ve heard grief be compared to wearing a jacket. Once you experience loss, that jacket is sewn to your skin. You cannot take it off, you don’t get a break from it. Somedays the weight of that jacket is easy to distract from, but you still feel it. Other days, the weight is so heavy it feels as though you are going to be crushed underneath it. I often feel as though I am barely treading water.

I lost my Dad last summer. It has been a little over a year, yet the aftershocks of that life-altering earthquake still ripple through me. I think because of this, I’ve been smacked in the face with a few life lessons recently.

The first is that tragedy reveals the true faces of friendship. Those you expect to stand by you may not—at least they didn’t for me. Yet, those I never thought twice about for support became the ones who showed up, and continue to show up. To those friends reading this, you know who you are—thank you.

The second is that grief is inherently selfish. I have been wearing ‘blinders’ since my Dad died. I see the world through my pain and not much else. You know those rose-colored lenses people always talk about? For me, they are dark and distorted lenses. I know people who had exciting and happy life moments, like getting engaged. It felt impossible to be happy for her, instead, I felt anger and envy. And, I know people who went through sad moments too, like going through a break-up. I felt like a horrible friend for not being there for her, but to be honest it just felt so much smaller than losing my Dad, and again, grief is selfish. I hurt someone’s feelings, and normal Meg would’ve given anything to apologize and be forgiven, but grieving Meg did not really care. The silver lining, if there is one, is that I no longer give energy to the trivial. Life’s petty concerns pale in the shadow of what truly matters.

My Dad was my best friend. I probably wouldn’t have said that two years ago. But if you look up the definition of a best friend, you’ll read about qualities such as loyalty and understanding. Even if I was mad at him or vice versa, he would always answer my call. Sometimes he didn’t have much to say, and sometimes what he did say wasn’t right, but he always listened. He always pushed me to try my best. I knew I could depend on him. I never told him any of this, and I wish I could.

Take it from someone who knows what loss is, hug your loved ones, and tell them you love them. You never know when the last time, will be the last time.